Proven Love.
- Apr 23, 2020
- 4 min read
So, you and your partner broke up. People do that all the time. It’s horrible and it’s messy, even if you both do your best to end things on ‘friendly’ terms. You promise to give each other the space needed to move on, and agree to meet up as friends in the near future. While this sounds great, there’s quite a high chance that it won’t work that way. Why?
Feelings.
Feelings get in the way of everything, especially breakups.
Some people will go on to live their own lives… after, that is, a few months of mourning and drunkenly trying to text their ex while their friends wrestle their phone from their hands. Others will get a ‘breakup haircut,’ join a gym, and meet someone new within a month. Either way, some people break up and stick at it. But what happens in this cycle is that the breakup isn’t working.
Your ex randomly messages you on the day when you’ve had a horrible time at work and feel lonely. You bump into your ex and decide to be mature and grab a coffee. You both realize that you’ve been missing each other, and things really do feel wrong without them. The reasons for deciding to try again after a breakup really depend on the people involved – and not just the two people in the relationship. The family and friends we have around us when we’re going through a breakup really affect our behavior.
If your closest friends are all telling you to accept that it’s finished for good, they’ll do their absolute best to help you get over it. They’ll let you cry it out and then help you to move on.
If your friends keep telling you that they think you or your partner have made a mistake, you’ll start to wonder if you should give things another go.
When we’re already feeling emotional and vulnerable, we almost trust our loved ones and their opinions more than we trust ourselves. The way the relationship ended also impacts how we feel after it. Sometimes, things aren’t made fully clear when a couple decides to end things. This feeling of unresolved business can leave us wondering if we made the right decision. This can lead to us then reaching out to our ex, which can kick start the whole process and keep us trapped each time.
The two individuals involved obviously have a huge impact over what happens after a breakup. If you’re both quite anxious people, there can be so much pain and confusion around the breakup, whether it was mutual or unexpected.
If you’re already unsure of what’s going on and had concerns during the relationship, the breakup can make you really question everything.
Loneliness often plays a huge role in couples getting back together too. However confident you were in your decision at the time, the shock and pain of suddenly realizing what was said or done can want to make you want to reach out to your ex. Low self-esteem also comes into play here – being single can make us feel, unsurprisingly, unloved. This leads us to thinking we’re unattractive and boring, along with all the other horrible words we use to describe ourselves sometimes! Of course, if both people involved are feeling a similar way, they’re drawn back to each other because it’s comforting to be with someone who knows you and has made you feel good about yourself in the past. Getting back with someone sometimes is really because you’ve both realized that you’ve made a mistake and you want to get back to what works.
What Does It Mean For The Relationship?
By pretending that there are no bumps in the road, you’ll be living in a fantasy world – you’ll both brush off each other’s bad habits and you’ll avoid arguing because you want things to be perfect. People aren't perfect but man can they really grow up. We learn things and go through things and it can drastically change us. Do things right this time.
First things first – communicate. Properly. By talking about what you both want, you’ll be much better equipped to make a decision about staying together for good or ending things once and for all. Then decide to…
Commit! Tell your friends and family. This is a step that people often skip when they’re trapped in the cycle, because they don’t know 100% what they want.
Maybe you wanted to keep it a secret because you’re ashamed; maybe you knew deep down that you didn’t want it to last.
Just remember that relationships are hard and you will have to put in the work to make it last. Go into it with the right attitude.
Forgive. You might not be able to forget things that happened in your first relationship with your partner, or the 5 ‘on’ moments in between, but you need to start forgiving.
Forgive your partner for things that happened in the past. If they are unforgivable, you shouldn’t even be considering committing to them.
If you can look past their mistakes and failings and still want to make this work, you need to stick to that.
You can’t bring up something they did in the past and hold it against them. That will only create distrust and anxiety, which will never end well.
different this time. You give it a second chance….
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