Everybody is Mad: I'm Sorry?

"I am sorry that some wait until you are gone to love you. I am sorry that their apologies never came when you needed them." -Pierre Alex Jeanty

If you look at the world and all its' endeavors, some issues are larger than ours, however that never lessens the pain we feel going through the situations we experience. One of the most dangerous emotions is anger. Add one letter, "D" and it becomes DANGER. It can destroy a person from the inside out. It can ruin relationships, damage families, and add to the anxieties we already have just thinking about something. Maybe it is because we are born of skin and bone that causes us to struggle letting go of the anger we feel towards others, and ourselves. Usually, anger comes from something that someone else has done or said to us. So what is one of the biggest solutions to either healing from that anger, or apologizing for causing that anger? Apologizing seems to be something that we tie to "weakness." The fact that some of us feel more vulnerable than others in a particular context does not mean we are weak or lesser in any way. An apology is more difficult to offer when we DO have something to apologize for and we regret our earlier behavior. If I was to admit one thing about myself, it is that sometimes I struggle with apologizing when I feel that I am the one more hurt or can't let go of my pride. It can take great courage to open a conversation and apologize for something we wish we had handled differently in the past. Perhaps we don't want to be intrusive, or we're concerned about how our apology will be received and what could happen next. It's a profound challenge to sit on the hot seat and listen with an open heart to the hurt and anger of the wounded person who wants us to be sorry, especially when that person is accusing us (and we feel it is not accurate) of causing their pain. Yet both personal integrity and success in relationships depend on our ability to take responsibility for our part even when the other person is being mean. My parents always taught me that "Sorry is good, but change is better." An effective apology involves more than saying the right words and avoiding the wrong ones, but it helps to know the difference. When we offer an apology, it's only natural to want our apology to lead to forgiveness and reconciliation, but demanding forgiveness can undercut an apology by making the other person feel rushed and even wronged all over again. Apologies often need their own time and space to heal. If you have read, "The Five Languages of Apology," it says that the "right" way to say you're sorry depends on whom you are apologizing to. Some people differ in what they want to hear. They may a want you to take full blame, or admit you were wrong, or simply acknowledge why you get that they are hurt. The biggest thing in any situation that involves an apology, is that they do not always fix things. They can help heal wounds, and lessen the anger. They can push towards growth, and ease the feeling of guilt. However, we do not need to allow an apology to put everything back together. Sometimes the best thing we can do is listen, accept, forgive, and then move towards the unknown. Take the leap of faith today to apologize to someone you believe you may have hurt. Start the process of speaking out loud so that your heart can let go of all the pain and guilt you have been feeling, but while you choose to apologize, allow someone else's apology to be accepted within your heart and mind, and start letting go.

James 1:19 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger."

Mark 11:25 "And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you and them.”

Hebrews 12:14 "Strive for peace with everyone."